please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
