If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
