She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
