I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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