I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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