Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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