I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Randomize
