You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
