if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
