roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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