i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
