There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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