when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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