I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
