OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
