Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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