Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The Olympian is in my bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
