can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
