Kiss
Puke
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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