Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
