I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
