Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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