I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
