i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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