Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What drink are we having for lunch?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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