wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
