We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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