I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
