Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
