3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
