I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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