does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
