You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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