i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
