Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
