I accidentally had phone sex last night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
