Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
