i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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