I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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