I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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