my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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