I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just puked most of my soul out..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
