When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
