I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
