There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
