mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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