how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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