my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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