waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
