Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
