pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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