I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
