He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
