Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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