I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
