He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
