her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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