Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
