I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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